When our oldest was five she suddenly, one night as she was going to bed, became terrified of smoke detectors. It happened when she happened to notice that little green light that blinks every minute or two to show it's working. For weeks she could not walk underneath one without someone holding her hand, which was hugely inconvenient given their locations in our home. It was completely inexplicable—no preceding traumatic event other than noticing the blinking light. We did not take her to a psychiatrist or force her to walk alone, but I sure prayed she'd be over it soon. And thankfully, she was. It was weird indeed.
As a parent whose middle child currently says grapes and oranges are her “worst fear” (and literally runs from the table when they are served) I appreciated this encouragement so much! What a beautiful combination of trust in nature/development and sensitive nurture your family provided.
I agree with a lot of this. I think I was one of the last generation to grow up with free play and the idea of walking it off/growing out of it. (I'm 41.) It's true that kids are quickly medicated now. Everything is pathologized, problematized etc.
I couldn’t love this more! Thank you so much for articulating this issue so eloquently. It’s wild how many modern parents blindly outsource their intuition. Hoping we’ll grow out of it very soon ❤️
Interesting perspective. My parents and grandparents and so on all had unmedicated childhoods and grew up in big families in close-knit communities and maintained their struggled continued into adulthood, suffering greatly with pain and addiction exacerbated by everyone acting like it was just something they would grow out of. I am very thankful that cycle was broken with me! My only regret is that I wish I had started taking medication in high school rather than starting many years after college. C'est la vie!
My son is going through a phase of sarcasm and pointing out any little inconsistencies. He’s 9. And it’s so annoying to me! Other people are finding him really funny, so he’s getting attention for it. I’m trying to ride the wave and treat it as experimentation, figuring it will balance out soon enough. Thanks for the encouragement!
Excellent perspective. IMO the one thing we never want to overwhelm is the psychic agency within us. We are always putting a spin on life events. Best case is as we are simply allowed to keep doing that, learning as we go. The natural unfolding necessarily includes new perspectives and voíla, what was awkward is no longer. Good play therapy a la Virginia Axiline permits that natural process to occur. So, ‘professionals,’ take note: work with the child, not against him or her. https://homecookedanalysis.substack.com/
Your parents were kinder than any parents I knew growing up. (I am about 7 years older than you.) In my small town parents just beat any kid who cried until she learned to conceal any emotion Dad disliked, which was they typical pattern for most of human history. Those kids never learned to regulate or manage emotions, just to conceal them.
Our ancestors were mostly a lot stupider and meaner than we are and it is evil of you to suggest otherwise.
Right ON!!!
What a good story for letting kids be kids, Mary Lou...
When our oldest was five she suddenly, one night as she was going to bed, became terrified of smoke detectors. It happened when she happened to notice that little green light that blinks every minute or two to show it's working. For weeks she could not walk underneath one without someone holding her hand, which was hugely inconvenient given their locations in our home. It was completely inexplicable—no preceding traumatic event other than noticing the blinking light. We did not take her to a psychiatrist or force her to walk alone, but I sure prayed she'd be over it soon. And thankfully, she was. It was weird indeed.
As a parent whose middle child currently says grapes and oranges are her “worst fear” (and literally runs from the table when they are served) I appreciated this encouragement so much! What a beautiful combination of trust in nature/development and sensitive nurture your family provided.
I agree with a lot of this. I think I was one of the last generation to grow up with free play and the idea of walking it off/growing out of it. (I'm 41.) It's true that kids are quickly medicated now. Everything is pathologized, problematized etc.
I couldn’t love this more! Thank you so much for articulating this issue so eloquently. It’s wild how many modern parents blindly outsource their intuition. Hoping we’ll grow out of it very soon ❤️
Interesting perspective. My parents and grandparents and so on all had unmedicated childhoods and grew up in big families in close-knit communities and maintained their struggled continued into adulthood, suffering greatly with pain and addiction exacerbated by everyone acting like it was just something they would grow out of. I am very thankful that cycle was broken with me! My only regret is that I wish I had started taking medication in high school rather than starting many years after college. C'est la vie!
I love this article. It reminds me of how my parents raised me in my non-conforming girlhood.
A wonderful piece of wisdom and experience- thank you for this excellent article! ❤️
My son is going through a phase of sarcasm and pointing out any little inconsistencies. He’s 9. And it’s so annoying to me! Other people are finding him really funny, so he’s getting attention for it. I’m trying to ride the wave and treat it as experimentation, figuring it will balance out soon enough. Thanks for the encouragement!
Looove this! Thank you for articulating what I instinctively feel and think!!!
Excellent perspective. IMO the one thing we never want to overwhelm is the psychic agency within us. We are always putting a spin on life events. Best case is as we are simply allowed to keep doing that, learning as we go. The natural unfolding necessarily includes new perspectives and voíla, what was awkward is no longer. Good play therapy a la Virginia Axiline permits that natural process to occur. So, ‘professionals,’ take note: work with the child, not against him or her. https://homecookedanalysis.substack.com/
Your parents were kinder than any parents I knew growing up. (I am about 7 years older than you.) In my small town parents just beat any kid who cried until she learned to conceal any emotion Dad disliked, which was they typical pattern for most of human history. Those kids never learned to regulate or manage emotions, just to conceal them.
Our ancestors were mostly a lot stupider and meaner than we are and it is evil of you to suggest otherwise.
I’m sad to hear you come from such a brutal line.
My personal ancestors have my back and I am grateful for their brilliance, love and wisdom.